And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
