Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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