i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my liver is dry heaving
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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