You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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