you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
