Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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