I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
