if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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