Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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