I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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