the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
