You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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