So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
