who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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