You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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