I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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