I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think people are normalizing furries
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
