this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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