their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
True strength comes from lack of pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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