ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
