I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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