I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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