There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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