you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
