he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
