I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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