It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
