I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
