Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
