Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
