This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
