her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
