she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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