Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
