Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
