he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So much rum. So many feels.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
