Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
