just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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