does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
