Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
