I got her a Nickelback box set.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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