There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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