Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
