And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
