Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he shaved USA in his pubs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
