She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
