I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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