Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
