I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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