so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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