It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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