I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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