He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
