Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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