i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
