my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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