My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I met the friendliest cop last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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