he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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