Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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