What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
