Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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