he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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